Go for the Gold in the Paralegal Olympics! Our version of the 2012 Summer Olympics

Did you ever think that being a paralegal could be an olympic sport? Sometimes it feels like it! Here are just two categories we could compete in:

Weightlifting – equipment consists of mountains of redwells or boxes of files of different weights. In weightlifting competitions, paralegals must lift a stack of redwells loaded to a certain weight under strictly specified conditions. Referees give their decision about the validity of each lift. Special weightlifting shoes are designed to give stability to the feet during the execution of the lift. Special garments should be worn to support the trunk during the attempt, such as a weightlifting belt, and bandages may be worn on the wrists or knees. In reality, we rarely have spectators or referees, and we rarely wear the appropriate shoes OR garments for lifting heavy objects – but who has the office support OR the time to wait for the office support when there is work to be done?

Wrestling – this competition takes place in the central wrestling area, also known as the “law firm”. Equipment consists of boots made of soft leather with no heels or studs, and a wrestling suit made of stretchy material in blue or red – you hear that ladies? no heels and a spandex onesie!  Movements include:

• arm control: haven’t you ever grabbed an attorney by the arm as they tried to abscond with an ORIGINAL document?
• arm throw: a move in which a paralegal throws her opponent over her shoulder by holding the opponent’s arm – this is strictly reserved for co-workers who are poaching your billable work or the uncooperative opposing paralegal!
• fleeing the mat: this is where a paralegal leaves the mat (a/k/a office) voluntarily and their opponent (a/k/a attorney) is given one point.
• single-leg tackle: this is a move where a paralegal takes down their opponent (a/k/a attorney) when they try to leave the office without signing that urgent document that MUST go out before you can leave for the day